My Next Move

If social anxiety disorder could have been conquered by gradually increasing exposures, implementing coping techniques, and building on previous experiences, then I believe I would have overcome my condition much sooner. I would have simply followed the directions, and presto - a new me. Reality was something completely different. I soon found out that this condition could not be overcome by simply increasing the level of difficulty - no matter how small the steps were. In other words, the closer I came to a successful start, the more difficult things became. I could not say, for example, that in two months I would be on the verge of successful social interaction, and on the third, I would instantly transform into a non-SA personality. This was not a course in which you had to put in a certain number of hours to become certified. There was no map to success, so to speak - no magical formula. After the episode at the woodpile, I realized that something extraordinary needed to take place before I could get to the next level. I had gone as far as I could with my experimental techniques and exposures. I needed to get from here to there, but I had no idea how. The answer had always been in the back of my mind, but I chose to ignore it. I hoped that there was another way - a gentler, more gradual way - but I was simply in denial. The real problem was that I was caught in a vicious cycle. I had a warped belief system and as a result, low self-esteem. I needed to build that self-esteem by re-programming my belief system - and the only way to do that would be with real-world success. To get that real-world feedback, I would need more self-esteem. This was a true catch-22 situation and that was why planning and strategizing would only carry me so far. The only solution was to find an entry point and just jump right in. The thought of this terrified me. It meant that I would have to literally throw myself into social situations, knowing that my belief system was still out of whack and my self-esteem was not fully developed to handle the situation. However, there was no other way - no other way at all. Im not saying that I should have thrown myself into a high-level social situation. In fact, I still wanted to follow the rules of the incubation stage, and that involved only low-key social interactions. But the real leap of faith would be in getting from my room to that first encounter - It just seemed impossible at the time. Imagine following a series of small steps on your metaphorical path to success. Near the end you run out of steps and realize that the only way to get across (and to certain success on the other side) is to jump across a massive gorge

Credit: wicca-teachings.blogspot.com